Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
