She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
