So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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