I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
