Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
