he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
