If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
