I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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