I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
