my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
