Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize