Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Randomize
