Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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