you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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