I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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