you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
