I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
