First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
