I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Life without a bra equals bliss.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
