...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
