I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
