dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
