Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
