There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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