How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
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Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
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I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?