I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
sex in a hospital.. check
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.