My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize