Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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