She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
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I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
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May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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