I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Randomize
