We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
We left an ass print on the piano.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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