I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You are a genius and a whore.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
