She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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