I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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