Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
