dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Let's get the cat blown out
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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