dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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