he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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