I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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