i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Randomize
