Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
