my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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