How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
