Can Purell be used as lube?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
