Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
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