yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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