I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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