I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
