what day is it and did you see me today?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
