nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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