she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
