I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
