if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
