thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
