remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
