u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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