Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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