I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
We left the knife in your bed.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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