Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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