I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize