Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
