Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
