WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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