a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
